A Dreamer's Reality
by LittleHellion
Summary: It all started with a book...again. But this time, she can't decide what is real. 'Cogito, ergo sum.' I think, therefore I am. But what about Him? Sarah doesn't know how to make the choice she needs to make. What is real? Nobody really knows.
1. Descartes

Disclaimer: I own a labyrinth, but not THE labyrinth (you all know which one I'm talking about). I also don't own Sophie's World, or Robinhood Free Meetinghouse, which is a VERY nice restaurant in Georgetown, Maine. This idea, Alex, and any other characters mentioned that WEREN'T part of the original story are mine also.

**Descartes**

* * *

It was a dark and stormy night. 

The cliché was not lost on her.

Sarah sighed and stretched on her bed, book in hand, waiting for…whatever it was she'd been anticipating all day. She'd had _that _feeling…and she was _irked. _How _dare _her feelings act up at a time like this!

Alex had just asked her to the Robinhood Free Meetinghouse, and that meant 72-layer cream-cheese biscuits. Oh, yeah, and something important. She was _definitely _looking forward to _that._

However, her anticipatory feeling had _not _gone away when he'd asked her (looking hopeful and adorable and utterly _Alex), _and Sarah was feeling the beginnings of restlessness. Sarah adjusted her lacy, white nightgown, and wondered briefly _why _she'd chosen to wear this old thing. It was _itchy _and utterly impractical. The only reason she had it at _all _was that her grandmother had sent it to her three years ago, on her twenty-second birthday.

But really, Sarah couldn't find it in herself to care too much about her nightgown. Sophie was calling.

She opened her book to page 230, where Alberto began to tell Sophie about Descartes. As she immersed herself in Sophie's World, she couldn't let go of her nagging feeling…which, in itself was disturbing, because she usually became dead to the world when reading and…

_Why was she nagging herself?_

Sarah shrugged and turned the page. She knew her brain well enough to know it would do _whatever _it wanted.

She was _moving her eyes, reading._

"_It's a strange thought, actually."_

Yes, it certainly was. Her brain controlled everything. She moved her limbs without asking herself how. She read her book without struggling. Her thoughts were natural, her dreams were…

Okay, so her dreams were _not _natural, but _that _didn't surprise her.

_He _had been invading her dreams, as of late, in all _His_ sex-godly glory.

Damn _Him._

"I'm going to get you, my pretty," she muttered. "And your little goblins, too."

_How _could she be certain that her whole life was not a dream?

She snorted. She _couldn't, _but that didn't mean she wasn't going to enjoy every minute of it, dream or not. _He _was a dream, but she enjoyed _Him _anyway.

"_Cogito, ergo sum."_

And there was her problem.

Why the hell was she thinking of _Him _again, when she was going to Robinhood Free Meetinghouse on Saturday and hopefully leaving with an engagement ring?

From _Alex, _not from _Him, _who was an impossible dream.

_When did I start capitalizing 'Him?'_

She hated seeing her words typed out on blank paper every time she thought. It was like reading a very long, detailed, and acutely embarrassing novel, written by her overactive (and rebellious) brain.

And she _couldn't. Stop. Reading._

Oh, right. Descartes.

"_Cogito, ergo sum."_

And her problem was that she _thought _she loved _Him._

Therefore, she did.

And, though she loved _Him, He_ couldn't possibly be real…even if she thought _He _was. It was an impossible thought.

…Or was it?

She damned Aimee, who had recommended the book.

She damned Biryl, Aimee's sister, who'd recommended it to _her._

She damned Jostein Gaarder, who'd written the damn thing.

She damned Descartes, for asking questions and being all philosophical and smart and able to _think._

And, just for the hell of it, she damned _Him. _Just because she _could._

Oh, right. Descartes.

"_Cogito, ergo sum."_

Hadn't she just read this twice?

Ah, well.

Crocophant.

Sarah snickered.

_Crocophant._

She laughed out loud. "Gods, every time I read that word I get the giggles. _Crocophant!"_

It was probably because she could imagine _exactly _what a crocophant would look like. And it was funny.

But it might have been because she hadn't gotten proper sleep in days, the clock had just struck midnight, and she was overtired.

Or…it might've been that _He _had just appeared, looking slightly amused. _He_ arched an eyebrow.

_Don't do that, you'll make me want to jump you._

…Wow. Random. And…strangely appealing.

Bad Sarah. Bad.

"Would you like to _see _a crocophant?"

It was a ridiculous question, and Sarah suddenly knew with certainty that she had fallen asleep and was only _dreaming _about _Him _perched on the foot of her double bed, one leg hanging over the wood, and the other hanging off the side.

It was utterly sexy, and since this was a dream anyway, she nodded. _He_ only ever appeared in dreams, and then, _He_ was quite harmless. _He_ was only a figment of her overactive imagination.

Yep.

"Very much," she said, and flashed _Him_ a genuine smile.

_He_ looked taken aback at her ready acceptance of his offer, and she fluttered her eyelashes and pouted. "Aren't you going to show me a crocophant?"

"Of course," _He_ said, with a sudden predatory smile, which _should _have unnerved her. But this was only a dream, and the only feeling she had was that jolty feeling in her stomach which had long ago been classified as 'you are _so _going to get jumped soon.'

It was a nice feeling.

Or rather, it was an _arousing _feeling, which made it nice.

"However, since I really _don't _have power over you, I can't do anything without your express consent."

Sarah had a very strange fluttery feeling, that could have been a warning…but this was all a _dream, _right?

_Wrong._

She decided to ignore that.

"I already consented. What…do you want me to write up a contract in blood?"

It was a joke, but _He_ wasn't laughing. _He _seemed to be pondering the idea.

"No," _He _said finally. "All you need to do is say the Word."

Alarm bells were going off in her brain, but they weren't very loud. Her heart had seen to _that._

She shrugged.

_What I do that I don't _really _do can't hurt me…right?_

_Wrong_, a voice warned, and with a roll of her eyes, Sarah sighed heavily.

"Is there something wrong, love?"

_He _actually looked a little concerned. It didn't look good on _Him_. She liked _Him_ better mocking and predatory and deliciously dangerous. And those teeth, which gleamed in the light as _He_ smiled warmly at her, would be better off-

Sarah cut _that_ little fantasy off before it could run its course.

_Oh, crap. I'm _so _firing the god who gave me a huge masochistic streak._

"Oh, my brain just thought something useless. No big deal."

She was well aware that, had this conversation been taking place _outside _a dream, it would sound absurd.

But this _was _a dream; after all, _He _was here.

And _He_ understood.

"Ah, the plague commonly known as common sense. It likes to interfere at the most inopportune moments. Don't you agree?"

She did.

And she nodded.

"Oh, right. The Word. Which one would that be," she asked cheekily. She already knew the answer.

"Say my name, love."

It was a _command, _and she _liked _that voice. It sent a shiver running through her, and she decided that she _really _liked this particular dream.

_You're going to Robinhood Free, _the little voice warned. _Don't you remember Alex?_

But it was a _dream, _and really, her common sense could go to hell for all Sarah cared.

And she told it so.

"Your _name, _hmm? You want me to say your _name?"_

_He _nodded, swallowing hard. Even in _that, He_ managed to ooze sex appeal.

But that wasn't really a problem; _He_ was only a figment of her imagination. _He_ always _had _been. There was no harm in dreaming about an imaginary man, right?

There was no reply from her common sense, and she grinned smugly.

"Then," she purred, crawling closer to _him_, "I think you're going to have to give me some _incentive."_

_There _was that smile, the one that promised all sorts of wickedness.

It was a nice smile.

Or rather, it was an _arousing _smile, which made it nice.

_He_ stretched out _His_ hand, and tugged her over to _His_ side. _He_ lowered his head, and then…

"_No," He _said breathily into her ear.

That was incentive enough.

"Take me to see your crocophant," she said (ordered), and then added slyly, breathily, _"Jareth."_

And then there was a rush of air, and they were _not _in her bedroom. They were in the Underground, where she hadn't actually been since that initial dream.

And there, lying in the mud, was a crocophant (which managed to look completely at home, despite its awkward shape).

She snickered. "It's not exactly beautiful," she commented.

"But _you _are," _He_ answered.

Sarah turned to glare at _Him. _"Don't do that," she said (ordered). "You know I like you better when you're dangerous. None of that fluff and nonsense from _you."_

_Warning, warning, _the voice said.

When the hell had it shown up again?

_Go straight back to hell, Common Sense, _she told it firmly.

It had to obey her; she was its master.

_He _had that predatory gleam in his eyes again, and Sarah smirked at him. "Now," she said, almost lazily, "I've said your name. I've done as you _asked. _I think it's time for _you _to pay up."

"Oh," _He_ asked with another (tempting) raise of _His_ eyebrow. "What is it that I _owe _you?"

Oh, she _so _had _Him._

"You need to say _my _name in return," she suggested, smirking slightly.

_His_ smile promised her more than just wickedness this time, and she smiled back.

And they disappeared again, only to appear in what had to be _His _bedroom.

It was a _very _arousing sight.

Nothing nice about it.

_Only a dream, _she mused. And she met _His_ eyes, and smiled at the delicious look _He_ gave her.

_But a very _nice _dream._

_Or rather, a very _arousing _dream, which makes it nice._

She was glad she'd sent Common Sense to hell again. She would go collect it when she woke up.

And then _His_ teeth were in her neck, and Common Sense was the _last _thing on her mind.

And pretty soon, it was forgotten entirely.

-

Sarah awoke on her bed, wondering absently when she'd changed out of her nightgown. It wasn't all that uncommon for her to sleepwalk, or to work herself out of her clothes; she _did _have nice dreams, after all.

Or rather, she had _arousing _dreams.

Nope, she decided. Nothing _nice _about them.

And she grinned wickedly, before she realized that it was _only _a dream.

She heard her ring tone (Peter and the Wolf, _ha), _and she answered groggily. "Hello?"

"Sarah? Are you all right?" Alex's voice sounded frantic.

"Er…yes, I'm fine. Would you like to come over?"

She could practically see Alex nodding at the other end of the line, and she found (with guilt) that he suddenly seemed too safe.

_Alex _certainly wouldn't do anything like _He _had done in her dream. She could still feel it, even now.

"Of course. I'll be right over, love."

It wasn't nearly as exciting as when _He _called her 'love,' and she cursed as she cancelled the call. Alex was practically her _fiancée. _She needed to have more respect for him…and…oh, gods. Was she falling _out _of love with Alex, and more in love with _Him, _the impossible dream?

"_Cogito, ergo sum."_

Could it work in other ways?

Some part of her hoped it could…but the larger, more practical side of her, hoped it could _not._

How would she ever explain to Alex that she had fallen in love with a dream, and somehow made it real?

How would she ever explain _Him, _even to herself?

A loud knock roused her from her musings, and she left her room to answer the door, stopping only to pull a ridiculously long shirt over her head.

She winced a little as the fabric hit her shoulders, but didn't think anything of it.

"Sarah," Alex cried in relief (?). And then, his eyes widened, and he looked her over worriedly.

Concern looked much better on Alex.

"Sarah…are you _sure _you're all right?"

"Of course I am. Why are you suddenly worried? We just spoke yesterday."

"Yesterday?" Alex didn't look – or sound – too convinced.

Sarah suddenly worried.

Had _He _been real?

She squashed that rebellious thought before she had a chance to ponder on it too much.

"Sarah," he said gently, "you've been gone for five days."

"F-five days?"

Sarah felt sick. "It can't be…I just fell asleep last night, and…"

Sarah felt Alex's gentle hand on her arm, and she remembered guiltily that they were supposed to go to Robinhood Free Meetinghouse…Saturday. And here it was, Sunday. The Sunday _after._

"I'm sorry I missed our dinner," she said quietly. "I didn't know I was gone."

Alex sighed. "Sarah, I…"

Sarah studied him. He was so adorable, so bashful, and so…_boring._

She bit back a curse.

_He _was ruining her life, and _He _was only a dream.

…Or was he?

"_How can you be certain that your whole life is not a dream?"_

The opposite was true, as well.

And her reflection in the mirror proved that _He _was, indeed, real.

And it had been _His _teeth in her neck, and _His _mouth on hers, and…

…And Alex was the one who was going to pay for her stupidity.

"Sarah, _I'm _the one who's sorry. I was going to ask you to marry me yesterday," he began, and Sarah cringed.

"…But after you disappeared, I had some time to think. And…" Alex looked hesitant, but then steeled himself.

"I truly love you, Sarah, but…I can't marry you. There is someone who will always dominate my thoughts and heart, and even though she is an impossible dream, I can't marry you, knowing I'll never be able to truly put you first."

And Sarah loved him, just as she always had. She loved _Him _more, though…so she completely understood.

"Nothing is impossibly, Alex," she said gently, and kissed his cheek. "She apparently doesn't know what she's missing."

His smile was both heartwarming and heartbreaking, because she knew it so well. "Thank you, Sarah," he said quietly. "I'm glad you understand."

She nodded and pushed him gently toward the door. "Go get her," she said encouragingly, "and don't give up until she realizes what you're offering."

And Alex was gone, and Sarah had some unfinished business with _Him._

The book was still lying open on her nightstand, and Sarah picked it up. There was one particular part that had been underlined in red.

_The color of blood._

She read the passage thoughtfully.

"_Yes, and with this as his point of departure, he proceeds. In the question of all the ideas we have about outer reality – for example, the sun and the moon – there is the possibility that they are fantasies. But outer reality also has certain characteristics that we can perceive with our reason. These are mathematical properties, or, in other words, the kinds of things that are measurable, such as length, breadth, and depth. Such 'quantitative' properties are just as clear and distinct to my reason as the fact that I am a thinking being. 'Qualitative' properties such as color, smell, and taste, on the other hand, are linked to our sense perception and as such do not describe outer reality."_

"_So nature is not a dream at all."_

And then, she heard _His _parting words.

"_Call my name, Sarah, when you decide to join my reality."_

"_Jareth," _she hissed, perching defiantly on the edge of her bed.

And _He _was there, and she carefully did _not _notice how he always looked like walking sex.

"Yes, love?"

"Don't call me 'love,' you arrogant, haughty, egotistical, proud _Goblin King."_

"Feeling a little redundant today, are we?"

Sarah growled.

"I rather like that sound, love," _He _remarked casually, but _His _eyes belied _His _desire.

"Why," she bit out, "did you choose _last night – _or rather, _Tuesday _night – to suddenly show up in _my _reality? I was going to _Robinhood Free _with _Alex, _and we were going to get _married."_

"That's exactly why, love," _He _said somberly. "_That _would have been disastrous for _everyone. _I merely intervened before everyone involved was _hurt."_

"I never figured you to be a philanthropist," she snarked.

"Oh no, love, I am no philanthropist. I did it more for my benefit than anything else. Just because it benefited all parties doesn't mean I wasn't selfish."

And then, suddenly, she wasn't angry.

"Well, at least you can admit it. It would be…very unsettling to find out that the man in my dreams was _really _as generous as he once professed to be."

_He_ laughed, and it was a nice sound.

Very nice.

"You enjoy all that very much, don't you," _He_ mused, perusing her form. _He_ was undressing with _His_ eyes…

Literally!

"Give my back my shirt, or I will have to hurt you," she said calmly.

"Is that a challenge," _He _asked in that mocking tone that always made her shiver.

"Yes, _Jareth," _she whispered breathily, and they were gone again.

She _had _just decided to join _His _reality.

They were back in _His _room, and she smirked. "Now," she said, folding her arms across her (very naked) bust, "are you going to give me my shirt, or am I going to have to hurt you?"

_Jareth's _smirk turned into a wicked smile, and _Jareth _(it was _so _good to finally use the name!) threw her shirt into the air.

It disappeared before she could catch it, and _Jareth _bent down to whisper breathily in her ear, "What do _you _think, _Sarah?"_


	2. Dreams versus Reality

I am terrible. I wasn't going to continue, but I had to. I blame all of you. I don't own the Portland Public Market or Silly's. Or any of the foods you can get at Silly's.

* * *

It was the best moment of her life. The affair was perfect in its imperfection…she was excited and frightened, and he looked to be confident. But she could see it in his eyes – those eyes of his never could lie to her. He was terrified. 

They were smiling, smiling, always smiling. She'd never seen him smile this much, and some part of her wondered how much of it was really because of _her. _Even after all this time, she couldn't shake this feeling of _wrongness. _As if something in her life had been left undone; as if she wasn't supposed to do this. How much of his happiness was because she was the one standing before him, and how much of it was because they were getting _married, _and this would mark the beginning of a new life?

Underneath his loyalty, he was still a wandering spirit. Oh, he would never be unfaithful; infidelity was not something he condoned. But he would always have an itch she simply wouldn't be able to scratch.

She knew, somewhere in the back of her mind, that there was someone else he thought about – that vacant, longing expression would always show up whenever there was silence between them. He seemed to be _settling; _but then again, so was she. Oh, they loved each other, very much. It was a chemistry that had been there from the very beginning; perhaps because of their similarities. Their impossible dreams. Nights spent alone and lonely.

She vaguely remembered him telling her about _his _impossible dream…or had _that_ only been a dream? Had he _really _said that, or was that just a dream spawned by her self-conscious fears?

This couldn't be happening! This was supposed to be the union of two souls, a recognition of their love for one another. They were here, exchanging rings and vows under the distant eyes of the gods, and this whole thing…

_What was she doing?_

Looking around, it all seemed to blend together. Her thoughts jumbled, and her breath caught in her throat –

_But wait. He never wanted a pagan wedding, _the voice said.

She looked down at her left hand, and noticed her ring for the first time.

_You never told him your favorite stone was unpolished ruby; he always thought you wanted an aquamarine._

But…

_This isn't real, Sarah. Wake up._

But…Alex…

_Wake. Up. Now._

Nothing made sense, and Sarah found herself unable to breathe.

_In-out, in-out, now…_

_WAKE UP!_

-

Sarah bolted upright, gasping and ripping at her collar in order to let more air into her throat. It had been so real…

But there was nothing here. No light, no darkness…just a vacuum. She was trapped, between her dreams, as if she couldn't quite fit into either one.

_You're going crazy, _the voice taunted.

Sarah was _not _arguing with herself today.

_Shut the fuck up,_she thought to her inner voice, and glared at nothing.

_What is real?_

She couldn't answer.

"Now, Sarah, is that any way to treat your King?"

She started, jerking back into reality without grace.

Meaning she jumped, startled, and fell out of bed. It never failed to make the Goblin King laugh, but she was _not _grateful for the sound any more.

At night, she was living Above, secretly teaching ten-year-old Toby about algebra and folklore, taking pictures, publishing poetry and short stories, and (as evidenced by her latest dream) marrying Alex.

During the day, she was living Underground, spending her days dancing with the fireys (who, after learning that her head, in fact, would _never _come off, were very fun companions), learning the secrets of the labyrinth with Hoggle, in a rock garden with Ludo, or accompanying Sir Didymus on one of his many noble quests. She would occasionally sit with Jareth as he worked on things she didn't understand, learning about his world and his person simply by observing.

And, of course, there was bloody sex and kisses and all sorts of intimacy she would never find anywhere else. He was so solid, so _real…_

Then again, so were her dreams.

Or were they nightmares…or maybe reality? She never dreamed of anything else any more. She was either Above, or Underground. There were no more white rooms with lavender-colored, lily-covered water which swallowed up everything dear to her. There were no more dreams entirely in French; there were no more dreams of gentle music and voices, accompanied by vast expanses of sheet music she could not read.

There was only reality, and fantasy, and she didn't know which was which.

In all honesty, most of the time, she couldn't care less. It didn't affect her daily life (in either case), and she was still able to function and enjoy each life separately.

Except when she woke up; for that brief moment, she was trapped in the void between reality and fantasy, each one pulling her in the opposite direction for different reasons.

She never asked Jareth about it; their relationship was not full of fluff and idle chatter. They were passionate, even in silence, but they did not confide in one another. She supposed he just didn't need her sympathy, and she'd be damned if she let go of her pride just to have someone to whine to.

She realized she was still glaring, and she smoothed her face out.

"You're damn right, you're _my _king," she said playfully, possessively, seductively. It was always that way – almost like a game. First one to get those 'warm and fuzzies' loses. But really, with _this_ game, she didn't _mind_ losing – though she'd never let _him _know. Win or lose, Jareth was there. Body, heart, and eyes, he was _there, _and he was everything she'd always wanted.

In _this _reality.

Jareth only looked amused. It was a lame counter, she knew, but she'd just woken up and that time spent between two realities was _draining._

His gaze, always intense, traveled from her lips to her eyes, and he held her captive. The mismatched pupils only added to his mystery; how did they get like that in the first place? Was he born like that?

And for that matter, when was he born? Who gave birth to him? And…why were his eyebrows so weird?

For some reason, she was terrified to find out. Perhaps because she knew she could wake up, and never come back Underground. She could surface in the reality Above, and never be able to get back.

Alex had just been settling, and so had she. It wasn't right to live that reality, when she _knew _there was someone who _could _scratch that itch. Impossible was Jareth, but she had him…at least in her dreams-which-could-be-reality. If _she _could live _her_ impossible, then Alex could, too.

It was not in his nature to give up; he'd been trying to move on with Sarah, but it didn't work. And in the end, he'd done the best thing for both of them…

Or was this reality fleeting?

She _hated_ sleeping.

Sarah looked to see Jareth scrutinizing her, and she drew herself out of her head.

"What," she asked haughtily.

"I _could _ask you the same question…but I very much doubt I'll get a straight answer. You are insufferable."

And this was part of what made him Jareth, and also part of what made her love him. This warped care, this concern that looked like poison darts…it was all she'd really wanted in the first place.

Pity and Sarah did not go hand in hand. She did not tolerate whining, and she expected the same respect in return.

"I haven't been sleeping properly," she said shortly, before stretching languidly and smirking. "I guess you aren't doing your job well enough."

The dark, lusty look she got in return for her not-so-subtle jab made her stomach flop in a million different directions, but after two weeks, she was working up a resistance. Just because he was traveling sex didn't mean she had to fall all over him.

Things were _not _like this with Alex.

"Is there something you'd like to share with the court, Sarah, or are you trying to communicate telepathically?"

She hadn't noticed herself spacing off. "Hmm," she asked slyly. "Did you say something?"

She decided she _really _liked the sound of his growl.

She grinned; partly because that sound was too animalistic to possibly belong to a man, but also because the Underground, for all its glory and otherworldliness, would still occasionally remind her of home.

"_Do you have something to share with the class, Sarah, or are you trying to levitate your pencil?"_

Poor Mr. Kirkham, joking about levitation, and trying to teach elementary physics to a girl who knew from personal experience that magic could bend the rules. She hadn't been interested in inertial reference frames when, just that morning, she'd discovered that she _could,_in fact, levitate her pencil, if she should choose to.

She'd been vastly amused when he looked everywhere for the chalkboard eraser, only to find it atop the cupboards on the other side of the room. No one ever figured _that _one out.

"I should think you'd want to get out of bed," he said slowly. "It is already after noon."

"I never thought you'd _want _me out of bed," she shot, swinging her feet over the edge and standing before he could think too much on her statement. "But it's still a good idea. I promised Ludo I'd spend time with him today."

It really_ was _late; but she'd known that without drawing the drapes. Jareth never lied to her. Her room (and it truly was _her _room, as Jareth didn't sleep) was decorated simply, because that was_ Sarah – _all she'd wanted, since her first trip through the labyrinth, was simplicity. She'd had more than enough of sights-that-could-mean-three things…and the most complex aspect of her life was _Jareth, _but love was like that. She hadn't expected _him _to be simple, anyway.

Of course, her dreams weren't simple, either…but she didn't have to think about them. Not while she was in one of them.

"I don't," he answered, perusing her (now naked) form with avid interest, "but there are things I must speak with you about, and the bed would simply be too distracting."

She enjoyed this, the power she held over him. But he held as much power over her…and somehow, it was all _right. This _was how it was meant to be.

Sarah rolled her eyes and pulled the long shirt over her head. "Yeah, yeah. I'm up now; where do you want to talk?"

He hesitated; he didn't do it often, and Sarah suddenly had a bad feeling.

"I'm taking you Above," he finally said, and for a moment, the ground dropped away from Sarah's feet.

Her distress must've shown on her face, because he laughed; this one was a comforting sound, as if he wanted to make her feel better but didn't know how.

It was much better than any soothing words could possibly be.

"And…_why,_exactly, are we going up there?"

Jareth shrugged, an inelegant gesture he'd subconsciously picked up. "There are things we need to do," he said evasively. It didn't really make her feel better…not that it was meant to, anyway.

It was hard, living two separate realities…

But it would be ten times harder to live _that one, _knowing that she might've had a life _here._

She'd never been good at letting go of things.

"Fine," she said crossly, folding her arms over her chest. She was quite aware that it made her look childish, but it was an instinctive protective gesture.

If she couldn't guard her heart, she could certainly guard her chest. Her heart may get broken, but she'd be damned before she let anyone rip it out.

She grabbed her clothes, and headed toward the bathroom. She hadn't quite gotten used to having a literal bathroom, and a separate _toilet, _but she didn't get confused any more. At least Jareth had created a normal shower and sink for her; she'd never really liked baths.

She had a sneaking suspicion he'd kept the toilet separate from the bathroom because he knew how much it irked her.

Sarah was careful to do everything manually; for some reason, she was wary of using magic in front of him. She wasn't sure he even _knew; _it all tied in with her fear of losing him.

Life had been easier when she'd only had dreams about him. But she couldn't imagine living without him, now.

It was a frightening position.

Ah, well. At least the clothes here were comfortable.

Sure enough, Jareth was waiting outside the bathroom door, seeming almost impatient. She pulled on her soft pants and shirt, and put her toothbrush on the sink. Jareth found it amusing that she didn't just keep it in the shower, but it was a habit she'd picked up in her parents' house, and she couldn't seem to let go of it.

"I was wondering," he drawled, "where we could go. You know your home better than I do, but your apartment is no longer _yours. _Where can we surface without being seen?"

"The Portland Public Market," she replied quickly. "There's a parking garage on Cumberland Avenue, and we can appear in a corner."

"And then?"

"And then we can go to Silly's. I miss their pizza."

Jareth's mouth twitched. "You don't like pizza."

"I know," she said cheekily. "Silly's pizza is one-of-a-kind."

She looked around, startled at the sudden change of scenery. The garage smelled slightly of gasoline and exhaust, and the air was cool.

It was good to be back; it was even better to be brought back by Jareth. Mixing both realities made her wary, yes, but liking the Underground did not mean hating her home.

"You're going to have to lead, Sarah."

She jerked out of her musings, vaguely realizing that she never spaced out this much until she left for the Underground.

"Aw, is the almighty Goblin King, master of all things twisted and mazey, asking for _directions?"_

"This is _your _world, not mine," he said airily, waving her taunting away. "I have no reason to learn about it."

Tou_che_.

"Well, come on, then," she said, and pulled him through the garage and onto the street.

Maine air…

"Are you going to stand there sniffing all day? If you remember correctly, we have things to do."

She shrugged and led him down Cumberland.

Sarah knew the sights well, but she still loved to look. Cumberland soon turned into Washington Avenue, and her feet led her to Silly's. As far as food went, Silly's was heaven.

Jareth raised an eyebrow at the selection. Sarah knew he would, but it was a nice sight all the same.

She'd always been a little weird, after all.

"I was thinking I'd get a 'Trump This,'" she said slyly. "It's_ very _good."

Jareth blanched, and she snickered. She wasn't going to let him know she didn't like that pizza, not until he'd been thoroughly grossed out.

"You wouldn't think a hamburger pizza would be good, but it is."

She waited until he was sufficiently green.

"Just kidding," she said lightly, pointing out her real choices. "We're getting two petit pizzas; one Easy to be Green, and one Thai Pie. If we're still hungry, we can get a Peppy Penne Pasta Pizza. They're my favorites."

She was silent for a moment, and then smiled. "We're also getting coconut curry and avocado shakes. If you're going to eat at Silly's you've got to get the best of the best. And the best, mon petit bonbon, is coconut curry and avocado shakes."

She couldn't blame him for looking highly suspicious, but in this case, she really _was _telling the truth.

Just ask Toby.

_Toby…_

She shook her head.

_No looking back now. Don't think about it._

"I am not _little, _Sarah," he growled.

"Oh? Why don't you _show me, _then?"

He looked_ exactly _how she wanted him to look.

Gotcha.

"If you're a big boy, you'll be able to eat _everything _on your plate."

Her sweet, innocent smile was not as amusing to Jareth as it was to her, she knew. But _oh, _that wicked look had just made her day.

-

They had gone to see her family. She hadn't actually interacted with them; she couldn't, not without raising too many questions. She was supposed to have run off to another country with a mysterious man.

And it was true…

This was one of the nicest things Jareth had done for her, and she was touched. It was confusing – why was he doing this?

But she didn't have much time to think – he was distracting her.

Thoroughly.

-

Sarah was trapped in that vacuum between realities again. It was empty, and she was alone.

But she was ripped from it by a hand on her shoulder, and a male voice whispering, "Sarah, it's morning already."

She looked up into those gorgeous eyes, and drew his head down for a kiss.

She shook her head to rid herself of her hazy, frightening morning state, and smiled softly.

"Morning, Alex."

* * *

Notes: 

"Trump This" - Sesame seed crust, ketchup, mustard, cheddar/mozzarella, hamburger, tomato, onion, pickle - and topped with lettuce after baking.

Easy to be Green - Avocado, cheddar/mozzarella, fresh tomato, scallions, ricotta, garlic - served with a wedge of lime for squeezin'.

Thai Pie - Thai peanut sauce, chicken, cheddar/mozzarella, fresh scallions.

Peppy Penne Pasta Pizza - Red sauce, cheddar/mozzarella, roasted veggies du jour, penne, ricotta, garlic.

I got the descriptions of the pizzas off the Silly's menu on their website, but only because they can describe it much better than I can. Silly's pizza is the BEST pizza. The ONLY pizza, in my opinion.


	3. Fractal Illusions

It had been nice, but Sarah knew that it couldn't have lasted. Jareth was too smart to miss something this significant, and if she was honest with herself, she would've been disappointed had he _not _found out about her magical ability.

Lies and deceit were not a big part of their relationship, anyway.

She'd been a bit surprised at his reaction, though. Sarah had been expecting him to be angry; or, at the very least, irritated. But he'd just sat for a while, staring at her, before throwing his head back and laughing.

And now, she was sitting across from him, scowling.

"You, Sarah," he said, "will always find new ways to amaze me."

She wasn't sure if that was an insult or praise, but it didn't really matter; he wasn't angry.

She wondered why that wasn't as relieving as she'd thought it would be.

"Oh," she answered lightly. "I know I'm amazing. You really shouldn't tell me things like that; I'll get a big head."

"My dear, I don't think your head could get any bigger without causing some serious damage."

She _refused _to demean herself by answering.

"But," he sighed, with a hint of _something _(was it regret?) in his eyes, "you must go home now."

Sarah nodded absently, and then his words came crashing down on her. "_What?"_

Jareth smiled gently. "This isn't real, you know."

It wasn't real…

_It isn't real?_

"W-what do you mean," she asked, shaken.

"You are only dreaming this. You've done a remarkable job keeping all of us alive; you have preserved your memories so well that you are now successfully living amongst us – when you're not busy being awake, of course."

This was all just a dream?

But wait…

"If what you say is true-"

"It is," Jareth said matter-of-factly. Sarah glared at him.

"_If _what you say is true, then why are you telling me this? Dreams don't ever tell me that they're not real."

Jareth smirked at her. "I didn't say I wasn't real."

He was so _infuriating!_

"Yes, you did. You just _told _me that I'm dreaming all this up!"

"Yes, I did."

"I think you're _trying _to make me go crazy."

"You're doing a remarkable job on your own; you don't need _my _help."

Sarah glared. "For_ once, _could you give me a straight answer?"

Jareth thought for a moment. "Yes."

After a long silence, Sarah growled. "Well?"

"Well _what?"_

"Aren't you going to give me my straight answer?"

"I believe I already did."

_Say your right words, the goblins said._

"_Not if you ask the right questions."_

Damn insufferable bastard.

"All right. _Here _is my question: How is it possible for you to be real if I am only dreaming you up?"

"It's not possible. You _aren't _dreaming me up."

"Please…just explain all of this. You may be able to accept this with grace, but I'm not. Please."

He nodded, the playful smirk melting off his face.

"What is your definition of reality," he asked quietly.

What?

"Er…reality is…it's…well…I don't know, actually."

"Nobody does; only people who are afraid of change think that 'reality' means 'happenings that everyone agrees with.' Rational thought is an illusion; reality is only an ideal."

"I still don't understand."

"What don't you understand?"

"How you can be real, if you are only a dream."

"Don't think of it in terms of 'reality' and 'dreams,' Sarah," he said, sounding slightly irritated. "Haven't I just told you that reality doesn't exist? It's merely a term people use to combat fear of the unknown."

_A term. Reality isn't real. How…completely and utterly Jareth._

"This is still confusing, you know."

He sighed. "Think of it this way, then. You've made choices in your life…and your choices have led you to where you are today. You could've chosen to leave your brother's room without wishing him away to me, but you didn't. Have you ever thought about what would've happened had you _not _said the Words?"

Sarah nodded. Of course she had! She didn't regret it, but she _had _thought about where her life would've taken her.

"That is only one of the innumerable times in your life that you have split what you like to call reality. Where do you think your other choice went?"

Sarah blinked. "What?"

"Your other choice. The girl who _didn't _wish her brother away, the girl who decided to go to her room and play with her toys. The Sarah Williams who still hates her family."

"The other girl doesn't exist. I mean…I made my choice, and I don't regret it."

"How do you know?"

"Because _I'm _Sarah Williams, and I'm not that girl!"

"Exactly."

Sarah wanted to hit him. But he was sitting across the table from her, and he would know what she was trying to do before she got to him. So she set his sleeve on fire.

"As charming as your fiery personality is," he said dryly, flicking his wrist to put out the flames and rolling his eyes, "I'd recommend showing a little respect for me. I'm giving you the answers you wanted."

Sarah scowled. "Well, then, could you give me answers, instead of riddles? I can't understand, and I really don't see the relevance of my choices to reality."

He shook his head, looking at her disappointedly. "And here I thought that you were making headway. I shall attempt to put this in a way you can understand."

She pursed her lips, watching him stand and pace. He seemed to be thinking deeply.

"All right. I'm going to ask you to picture something, Sarah. When I appeared in your room that night, I noticed a fractal illusion poster above your headboard. I want you to picture that in your head."

Sarah nodded. "I've got it."

"Now, I want you to think of time and space in the same way. They are fractal; they will always look the same at any given point, but the entire picture is a jumbled mess of differences. In that moment, you could have left the room quietly. As soon as you chose _me, _some part of you _also _chose to stay silent. And in that instant, you split.

There are countless different Sarahs out there, each with different lives. But you are_ all _Sarah Williams, who once had the choice to wish her baby brother to the goblins. Their lives are just as 'real' as yours, Sarah. What is real? Nothing. Everything. In the end, we all decide our own realities."

"Then why are you only a dream?"

"Why, indeed," he countered, catching her with his intense gaze.

Sarah closed her eyes. "I'm _really _confused. I can't grasp this concept…I mean…I _don't _want this to only be a dream."

"Some part of you does, apparently. If you wanted me to be your reality, you'd make it so."

Sarah shook her head. "I can't just _make _things happen like that!"

"What do you think magic is, then?"

_What?_

"I don't know. It's just…what makes things do what I want."

"And how is that any different?"

Sarah opened her eyes and rubbed her temples. "I have no idea. All of this is confusing me! I don't even know why it matters, anyway! I'm happy here, and I don't regret leaving!"

"If you truly want to be here, then you will be. It is completely up to you, now. But I must warn you…I will not help you. Until you decide, I will not be a part of your life."

"But what if I _want_ it?"

"_I _do not."

_Oh._

"But…if I get stuck…"

"You will not get stuck. How many times do I have to tell you that 'reality' is boundless? You need to _really _want what you choose. You need to _feel _it. You _reach _for the reality you need, and you _take _it. You, of all people, should know to remember that things are _never _exactly what they seem to be."

"Oh."

"Now, you are going to sleep, and I will wait to see what you have chosen."

"But…"

Sarah felt his fingers on the back of her head, and everything went dark.

-

"Sarah? Sarah!"

Sarah opened her eyes groggily to see the happy face of her brother. She smiled sleepily. "Hey, Tobester, what's up?"

"What do you think is up? It's Christmas! I know it's not a big deal to you, but you_ have _to get up! Mom and Dad are going to be _so _boring this year, you know. At least I'll have someone to roll my eyes with."

"You're too grown up, Toby," Sarah said fondly, sitting up and rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. "I'll get up."

"Good. Cos I have a surprise for you."

Sarah grinned. "And I have a surprise for _you."_

Toby looked at her out of the corner of his eyes. "What _kind _of surprise?"

"The kind of surprise that makes you smile."

Toby wrinkled his nose, but smiled. "Fine. I get to go first. You're gonna flip."

Sarah sat up straight. "All right. I'm game. What is it?"

"Make a wish."

Sarah's eyes widened of their own accord. "Excuse me?"

"No, seriously! Just make a wish. You have to say it out loud, though. It's not like a birthday wish."

Sarah nodded warily. "What kind of wish?"

"Well, something small. Like, you can't wish for a pony or anything. That would be lame. Just do it! This is cool, I promise."

"All right. Give me a minute."

Sarah thought for a moment, and then smiled slightly. "I wish…er…for a black velvet hair ribbon?"

Toby scowled. "You're no fun."

Sarah shrugged. "It's something that will remind me of…someone."

"Ah. I'm sorry…"

"No, it's all right."

"I didn't know Alex ever-"

"Alex? No, it's not Alex."

Toby frowned. "Well, who? I mean…I don't know anyone else you ever spoke about that way."

"I know. I was thinking of…an old friend."

"Okay…" Toby gave her a strange look. "Well, at least you're not moping any more."

_Dead. Nineteen-car pileup. Closed-casket funeral…_

Sarah shook her head. "Yeah, I guess."

"Well, anyway," Toby said softly, "Here's your ribbon."

That ribbon had _not _been in his hand two seconds ago.

Sarah looked at Toby carefully. His blue eyes held that same sparkle that _His _had, and his blond hair had begun to poof dramatically, no matter how much effort Karen put into keeping it flat. In short, her brother reminded her of _Him._

And now, he was granting her _wishes, _of all things!

"Thanks, Tobester," she said, and tied her hair up.

"You're welcome. You know, I expected you to…I dunno…be surprised or something."

Sarah grinned. "Never."

Toby pouted. For all his maturity, he _was _still only thirteen. "How can you _not_ be surprised by something like that? It's _magic!"_

"Well," she drawled slowly, "partly because I'll never _stop _being surprised by you, so a surprise isn't so surprising. And also because…"

Sarah pulled a rubber chicken out of thin air and bopped him on the head with it. "You're a lot like me."

Toby's mouth fell open, and then he threw his head back and laughed.

"Oh, Sarah," he said between chuckles, "I'm so happy!"

Sarah was too.

"Well, now I know who to talk to about this. I wasn't sure whether to tell anyone, but I_knew _that you were a better choice than Mom and Dad."

"Yes, you're probably right," Sarah agreed.

"Hey, I found a book of yours," Toby said suddenly. "Called Labyrinth. It's an awesome story, you know. I felt kind of bad for the girl, though. She ran out of time before she could solve the labyrinth. I think she must've gone crazy; that 'you have no power' speech kinda took over her thoughts. That King sounded awful."

"He wasn't, really," Sarah said absently.

Toby raised an eyebrow. "You say that like you've met him."

Sarah blinked. Had she said that out loud?

"Er…well, to tell the truth, I have."

Cue laughter in five…four…three…two…one…

Wait. Why wasn't he laughing?

Toby was sitting beside her on the bed now, looking at a poster over her headboard.

"Is he the old friend?"

Sarah's breath caught in her throat. "Yes."

"And am I the one you wished away?"

"Yes," she said, nodding nervously.

"And that's the 'experience' you keep telling me you had that made you appreciate your family?"

"Yes."

Toby grinned. "Then good for you! That labyrinth sounded unbeatable."

Sarah smiled. "You're not mad?"

"Why should I be? You got me back, didn't you?"

"Yes, I did."

"And you learned a lot, right?"

"Of course."

"Then why would it be a big deal?"

Sarah didn't really have an answer to that.

"Why did you leave?"

Sarah blanched. How much did he know?

"When?"

Toby looked at her oddly. "Well, you must've been with him _sometime, _probably for a long time. Thirteen hours is _hardly _enough time to become 'friends' with your adversary, and I can tell you love him."

"_What? _Toby, how can you know something like that?"

"I just know things," he said vaguely.

"You're horrible."

"No, I'm Toby. Who are you?"

_"No, I'm Hoggle. Who are you?"_

…Wow.

"That was uncanny," she murmured.

"You're avoiding my question. Why did you leave?"

Sarah sighed. "It was a choice I needed to make, if I wanted to stay. And I don't know how to make that choice."

Toby shrugged. "How hard can it be? I wish I could-"

Sarah clapped her hand over Toby's mouth. "Don't make wishes like that," she whispered fiercely. "You're not the only one who grants wishes."

Toby raised an eyebrow and pulled her hand off his mouth. "Why are you being weird? If the Goblin King will grant wishes, then why is it bad to wish something that relates directly to him?"

Something in the back of Sarah's mind clicked. "Wishing…is not the same as deciding."

"Yeah, I know. Wishing is words, and deciding is feelings."

Leave it to her little brother to simplify something she'd been struggling with for nearly three years.

_You need to _really_ want what you choose. You need to _feel_ it. You _reach_ for the reality you need, and you _take_ it. You, of all people, should know to remember that things are _never_ exactly what they seem to be."_

She smiled at her brother. "Thanks, Tobester. You really _are _grown up."

Toby smirked, and Sarah was reminded once again of _Hi- _oh, all right. _Jareth. _It was time to combine her realities. This separation was, obviously, part of the problem.

"…To go with you."

Sarah jerked out of her thoughts. "Wait…what did you say?"

Toby sighed. "I figured you weren't listening. I _said _that I don't really like being here, and if you leave there won't be anyone I can really relate with, and I've decided to go with you."

"What makes you think I'm leaving?"

Toby furrowed his brow. "But it's obvious that's what you want. If you _don't _go…then I guess I'll be leaving without you. But you'd only be shooting yourself in the foot if you don't come."

Damn him for being so similar.

"Listen, Toby…"

"No, you listen! For once, don't try to protect me! I'm not as old as you, and I'm not a genius or anything, but at least _I _know what I want! I've never really liked it here, you know, and I liked it less after you moved out. Everything here is so…I dunno. _Non-magical._I know it sounds weird, but I've always known this isn't the only way to live…even before I found out I can do magic. It's…not for people like you and me."

Sarah knew he spoke the truth, but it didn't make it any easier to think of what Dad and Karen would think and feel if they both went missing.

"What about Dad and Karen?"

"What about them?"

"Well…won't you feel bad about leaving them?"

Toby's eyes snapped open in understanding. "That's what's been keeping you back! Us!"

It was true.

"Well, to answer your question, no."

"No?" Sarah hadn't known he was this selfish.

"Yeah. I mean…we have magic, don't we? We can do whatever we want! We'll erase ourselves. It'll be like we never existed."

Sarah fell back on her bed, staring up at the ceiling. Toby was right; she hadn't wanted to leave her family.

Specifically, she hadn't wanted to leave Toby. He had seemed to need her, and if she was honest with herself, she'd needed him, too. They were two peas in a pod.

And if they really _did _erase themselves, she wouldn't feel bad about leaving this world. Alex was dead, and she didn't have many friends (and none that she would miss terribly if she left).

What was she waiting for?

Toby's eyes were shining with excitement, and he was nearly bouncing up and down on her bed.

"Come on, Sarah! Choose, already! I'm gonna leave without you, you know."

_You _reach _for the reality you want, and you _take _it._

Sarah held out her hand. "C'mon, Tobester."

"Where are we going?"

"Downstairs to open presents with Dad and Karen."

Toby scowled. "Why?"

Sarah grinned. "Because this is the last time we'll get to."

Toby grinned back.

-

And it's DONE! I am now FINISHED with this story. No sequels, no additional chapters...nothing. Hope you enjoyed it!


End file.
